Run. Hide. The beast is out, the dogs are loose and general mayhem has ensued. The world of caving has found a new voice in Paul Steward, one to drive fear into the souls of cavers everywhere. Terrifying, spine chilling and often hilarious, Mr. Steward’s first book hits you like a ceiling pendant you forgot to duck for. What William Shakespeare has done for the human spirit, Paul Steward has done to the human spirit, asking those questions that every caver keeps tucked away and entertaining us immensely as he does so.

For those of you already familiar with his work, be it on the Caver’s Digest, the Speleodigest, or any of the newsletters around the country that he has appeared in, you will not be disappointed. Collected herein are twenty-six of his best works, a single volume collection that is sure to be his definitive work for some time to come. For those of you not familiar with Mr. Steward yet, your reward is doubled. Not only are you able to experience one of the freshest, most twisted minds in caving today, but you get him all in one lump sum. One wonders if the human mind or even the caving mind can withstand such large doses of Paul in a single sitting without proper training.

The book also contains helpful tidbits for dealing with Laundromat owners, topics to liven up grotto meetings, the recipe for taking your boss caving, the pitfalls of landowner relations, and much, much more. Finally there is a book that asks the question, “What would your dead, stuck friend taste like if you were forced to eat him to survive.” The twists and turns of each story contrive to leave the reader guessing to a point where he’s torn between laughing and hiding under the bed.

The stories in Paul’s book are brief, the characters drawn with sweeping strokes of the pen. We are told only the briefest items about their lives, just enough to give them form and substance. In their own way they fill themselves with our lives, until each of them could become us. With one eye we lament their misfortune, but with the other we wonder if we are next.

Mr. Steward describes himself in his preface as just another ordinary guy who happened to wander into the lives of some cavers, “weirdoes” as he put it. As he grew into the caving community he experienced his share of pitfalls, scares, and all the odd and embarrassing situations that we all do. But where he strayed from the straight and narrow was in the retelling. Tight fissures became crushers, high climbs became death-defying, and thick mud became flesh-eating gelatinous ooze. “Telling the truth,” he confesses, “was much too boring for me.” Thank God it was.

So now you know. Go out. Buy the book. Read the book. Enjoy the book. And when you meet Paul beg him for a sequel. I know I will.